Pressure cookin’

The other day I was interviewed by a super neat gal and fellow preemie nicu mom, Jennifer, who is currently working on her thesis. Jennifer is precious(and gorgeous).

Her questions were interesting….and I think that my perspective was a different one for her to have.  Because of the 3 big kids and the fact they all had to be induced and they were big ol’ chunky fat babies….Pootie (the oldest) being the smallest of the big three, weighing in at a mere 8 pounds 7 ounces. 

One of the questions she asked me (and this is not verbatim by any means) was were there outside things that influenced what I thought having a baby was supposed to be?

Well, again, I have the Big 3, so I knew what it was “supposed” to be but even in my 4th child pregnancy I had a dream of what it was going to be….I caved to the dang pressure of the internet! 

Back when I was prego with the big 3 and having them – no one was taking all the cutsie monthly belly shots!  I mean really NO ONE!  The big thing back then was one big belly shot – that was it – no counting down, no chalk boards!  None of it.  Of course, by the time I found out I was prego and started yacking then I had him early, there was no planning any cute bump pictures.  (And FYI after having 3 kids, it only took the doctor saying I was pregnant for the bump to show up….)

And the cute hospital pictures.  I had it all planned out.  THIS time I was going to have on make up…I was 40 after all, I knew I was going to need it.

Didn’t happen. 

I looked like poop on toast just like with the rest.  (I think I looked the best after having Crash, but still not good)

I remember reading one mom’s blog who was prego with her first about the same time and she was making cute pink cookies, wrapped all cute, and was going to give them to the hospital staff that cared for her while she was there.

I wanted to do that too.

Didn’t happen.

Jennifer asked if I felt cheated – I did.  I still do. 

I just thank the lord above that Pinterest wasn’t that big of a deal in 2008-2009 because I’d really feel bad about myself.  Talk about pressure!

hahahaha…..

(P.S. the interview was very difficult.  I cried a lot.  Jennifer cried with me.  As many different times as I’ve told or thought about Bubba’s birthday – it is still this crazy rush of emotion that just races thru me….and I cry.  Everything happens for a reason, and I strongly believe that every moment needs to be celebrated for what it is.  Good or Bad.  The scary stuff is now part of who and what Bubba is….)