Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Here was my afternoon "conversation" with Crash.

4:18 pm.

ME: Crash - it's time to come inside. (The kids had the day off for Rosh Hashanah. Happy New Year, by the way to my friend of the Jewish persuasion!!!).
CRASH: Moooooaaaaammmmmmm
ME: You have soccer practice tonight
CRASH: It's only 4:18
ME: And you have clean clothes on your bed I want you to put away. The right way. (Mom's really have to say this, promise, cause if you don't, the kids actually have the nerve to tell you, to your face, I didn't know you wanted it done right! )
CRASH: GAAAAAA, Moooooaaaaaammmmmm"
ME: (now losing my sense of humor, as I am only asking him to put away HIS clothes and get ready for HIS practice.) Do it Crash.
CRASH: (stomping down the hall) This stinks

So me being me, I give him a few minutes. Then I go down the hall. He is in the playroom. And so the conversation continues

ME: Did you put your stuff away?
CRASH: Yeah.
ME: (mom's know to ask this next question.) The right way?
CRASH: I don't know.

So me being me, I walk into his room, and lets just say that the answer to the above question is NO, it's not put away. It's thrown in his closet. And the conversation continues...

ME: Come here.
CRASH: What?
ME: Get this picked up and put away, the right way.
CRASH: Gaaaaaaa, Moooooaaaaaammmmm.

He is in his room right now. NOT AT PRACTICE. I had to threaten Hubby with bodily harm if he even tried to talk Crash to practice.

I'll see how the rest of the week goes....

Gaaaaaaa, Moooooaaaaaammmmmm.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bar Stool Economics
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

Since you are all such good customers, he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by$20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.

But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share? They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from every body's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing(100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20", declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, but he got$10! "Yeah, that's right", exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"
"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute", yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all."

"The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him.

But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible...

Too cold out!

Let me just say for the record that I hate the cold. And it's too cold out. It's too windy out. It might rain. BUT IT IS TOO COLD OUT! I am in a sweatshirt and jeans. Not fun.

I'll complain about it until it's spring.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

So True, So True.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

14 Years!

Today is our 14th Anniversary! Can ya believe it? Yeah - me either. And I'm sure Hubby is still shaking his head trying to figure out why me!!!!! Of course, with this whole knee surgery pending, I'm shaking my head too! I'm still waiting on the newer model to show up.

and waiting, and waiting.

My brother left this morning. I'll be anxious to hear from him once he gets down to Georgia. He has an email address. No, I have not emailed him just yet. (I left the address in my office at dad's. Need to go get it.)

Last night, yes a TUESDAY, I "had" to take Pootie to Winston Salem for a soccer game. A 7 pm soccer game on a school night. The drive was not that bad. There were 4 boys, including Pootie, and then a dad who rode it the car with me. He's a POLICE OFFICER....rrrrrrrr. He didn't wear his uniform. Bummer. I did get to hear some stories though! And he drove home. Which was nice. I hate driving at night.

I think that means I am getting old.

14 years of marriage will do that to a person!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

The latest

So - this is the latest in the hair-do arena. It will be gone by Wednesday - I think. He went thru the week and then the weekend with it like this.....he actually was ready for it to be shaved off this evening - at 8:00pm. I don't think so. It will have to wait until Wednesday. I am letting all the kids play hookie on Wednesday, maybe. Pootie for sure, Crash and Lola, maybe.

Yes it's a blond Mohawk. Yes the rest of his head is dark, yes it's the remnants of the bleached blond summer do. No he did not lose a bet. And yes, his momma said it was ok, she did it for crying out loud!! Hello, queen of hair color and hair boredom, who else would?
It's just hair - get over it people!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Homework IS Stupid.

Lola has been saying it for over a year now. "Homework is stupid.". Totally get over the fact that she is saying stupid. Let's face facts here folks. Stupid sometimes is an appropriate adjective.

And she is right. I've tried to convince her otherwise since she was in first grade. The opposite has happened. She's convinced me.

I am a believer. Homework IS stupid. Say it with me folks. Homework IS stupid. Don't give me the garbage about reinforcing what was learned at school. MOST OF THE HOMEWORK is busy work!!!!! When coloring, gluing and cutting are involved. It's even STUPIDER!!! When it's a middle school-er having to color a picture - FOR A GRADE - it's really freaking stupid.

Crash is the only one who seems to be avoiding STUPID homework. Sorta. Lola has homework given out on Mondays, and then it's all due back on Friday. I appreciate that. But I really hate math worksheets, and I hate them even more when it involves coloring!

Pootie, he's got soooo much homework right now. And I can tell it's really making a difference in his academic career. BOLOGNA!! Last night was coloring, copying (because you should have to copy a list of stem words into a notebook - it's always helpful) and math. And the math was a sheet of paper that she had copied for the kids - but the font was so tiny - i needed a magnifying glass to read it.

As I say to my kids all the time "I'm Done!". I'm over it.


Saturday, September 13, 2008

A funny

One day, long, long ago....... there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But this was a long time ago.......
and it was just that one day.

The End

A busy day in Wally World

Today is a busy day. A good day, but busy none the less. Hubby just flew out of here heading to the soccer field. After racing around the yard like Jeff Gordon cutting the grass. (OK, I'm not even sure if that is a good analogy, since I don't really watch racing. But it's the thought that counts. RIGHT?)

Crash is very excited because one of his best buds, we call him Trixie, always have, is having a birthday party this evening, and Crash gets to spend the night at Trixie's. One kid gone for the evening. That leaves Pootie and Lola.

Lola is actually going to the party with Trixie's sister, so she has someone to play with. She'll be home at 7:30ish. Pootie is going to one of his best buds from 4-6 for a party. Should be lots of fun. It's a school/soccer bud - and all these boys are just so funny together.

Hubby is at the turf fields reffing for the rest of the afternoon. His last game is at 6, which means he won't be home until 7:30ish.

Ah, the piece and quite. Yeah right.....

OH- here is some very exciting news. Our very good friends, the B's. They are prego. And everything looks really good. 18 1/2 weeks...and baby A AND baby B look healthy!! Surprise, they are having TWINS!!!!! This was a total shocker folks!!! They will have 6 kids, like that - poof! 6!!! The oldest is in high school!!! hehehehe!! I, personally, am so excited I can hardly stand myself!!!

What else, the 20th year high school reunion is this evening. We are not going to make it. Just is not fitting into the crazy schedule today! There are a few people there I am sad that I will not see, but I have enjoyed catching up with a bunch on line! The wonder of technology!!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Tv's broken!!!

I know that some will think that I am being whiny......but dang if the tv that is in the kid's room finally crapped out. Really irritates me!!!! Not the time of the year that I want to go buy another tv!!! That could be a Christmas gift ya know!

And yeah - don't start with me about they could wait until Christmas to have another TV. YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT! I can't wait that long! They would be all under my feet in my den!! And don't' start with me either about kids and TV. My kids get plenty of exercise and outside and all that other mess. I don't want to watch the Jonas Brothers or Hannah Montana. PERIOD!

I want my Closer, Cleaner and ER! (Series Finale this year, I'm so sad!) I want to watch In Plain Sight and all the other shows that I want to watch!!! I watch things that have been DVR'd so yes, I am actually watching tv when my kids are watching tv.

Don't lecture me. I know I'm flawed!!!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Latest Family News

My brother is on the left, my cousin, is on the right. This was taken Nags head 07 - during a heated (aren't they all in our family) game of Hearts!!!!

This is a very bit of information for me to write. It is even harder to talk about, I don't want to talk about it, and if you bring it up to me, I will not talk about it. I will be ready to talk about it - at some point. That point is not today.

My brother, the knucklehead that I love dearly, is now in the Army. He has wanted to do this for a long time, and finally did it. He wants to be Ranger, and go into Special Ops. I want to throw up. He leaves September 24th to head to Ft. Benning, Georgia. (Which is my 14th anniversary by the way.)

He will be in Basic Training for nine weeks. That's normal. Then more training, kind of like declaring a major in college, and then depending on how you do on these tests and etc you are off to Airborne School. There's lots more school and training that follows each test that you past.

When all is said in done, he could be "in army training sir" for a year-ish.

When all is said and done, my brother is going very far away from us. He is a pain in my butt, but I love him and cannot believe that he is not going to be near by. He is very involved with my kids, drops by, eats the food out of my fridge, babysits, gives swirlies and wedgies, ya know, normal uncle tormenting stuff. I can hardly type the words.....

I am not sure how leave or any of that stuff works. So I don't know when I get to see my brother again. I know, lots of families go through this. Doesn't make me feel any better.

There are some in my family (my aunt) that thinks he could end up being the Be all you Can be Campaign dude. My brother does look good, (that's gross to type by the way).

So think about him, say a prayer for him, and my family. Say a prayer for my kids. They really are having a hard time with this.

I'll let you know when I am ready to talk about this.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

New Motto

This made me laugh, it might be my new motto in life.

Live you life in such as way
that when your feet hit the floor in the morning,
Satan shutters and says "Oh shit....she's awake!!!"
Yep, that sums it up for me!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Jerry Reed died the other day. That may or may not mean a hill of beans to you, but it does to me. My brother and I listened to the Smokey & the Bandit "cassette tape" no less than a million times. It is a fond memory for me! Don't laugh!! How can you not smile thinking about this movie and the songs? I know, it was a stupid movie, lots of cigarettes, old county cussing, and Burt Reynolds driving a trans-am headed to Texarkana, cause there's beer in them there parts!

What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law!! (Classic line.) Smokey and the Bandit brought CB's into the for-front of driving!!!! Everyone had to have one. My dad even put one in my mom's station wagon.

An Oscar nominee? Hardly? A Classic and the pinnacle of the 70's.

So much to talk about

I know. I have not written anything in almost 2 weeks. Been a "lit-tle" busy. School started. The kids are great - love their teachers. Pootie is happy in middle school. Lola is still screaming "homework is stupid". (Hard to disagree with that one.) Crash is happy happy, he has a "cool" male teacher. Crash said it was really no big deal, he had him for 2nd grade seminar. (It actually went more like, "moooooaaaam, it's not a big deal, I had him for seminar in 2nd grade.) PTA has been smooth as butter, for the most part. Thank goodness there are 59 other people standing there with me :) I had to speak at the Open House last night. I hate speaking in front of large groups - SERIOUSLY!!! So I wrote a poem.

So, the update part........here are my bebe's on the first day of school - aren't they cute!!!??? Lola and Crash have on their new spirit wear...and of course, Pootie thinks he is cool in his Hollister shirt. OBVIOUSLY, his hair is still blond. He is trying to decide if he wants me to bleach it one more time or go ahead and cut it off...it has dark roots now. I actually like it with the dark roots, but he is in desperate need of a cut.

The Other Bebe's are still adjusting to the kids being gone all day. Shelby cries at the window when they leave. Henry, Henry likes it when it's just me here. He is no dummy! Shelby has torn the whole bottom of her crate up. Knuckle head. Henry NEVER even bothered with it. Here they are 2 weeks ago, this was the first time that Shelby got Frosty Paws Ice Cream. How cute is this?

Soccer is going ok. The season kicks into high gear this weekend. And this weekend there is no conflicts in the boys schedules! One game on Friday night, one game on Saturday evening, one game on Sunday morning. Now, both Saturday and Sunday are out of town games. Should be in interesting season for Pootie and Crash. Pootie's team has a new coach. Still not sure if he gets how good these boys are. He also coaches 2 girls teams. Our U-12 boys beat his U-13 girls in a scrimmage. And he still talks about how wonderful the girls all the time. Hello - we kicked their butt. Crash's team is playing up a year. They should play U-10, but Hubby moved them up to U-11 Classic B. Which is good. They needed more of a challenge. They should be able to hold their own.

Hubby is doing fine. Knee is holding its own. The surgery is still set for November 19th. Unlike last time, this is a one day deal. Last time, it was an overnight. Still think this one should be overnight. Hello - nurses to take care of him!!!!!!! (I'm no dummy either!!) He will be home for a (freaking) week. Not sure where I'm going to "place him". (Could be down at Ethel's house.) Hubby has been able to referee, which makes him happy. He can't do the big kids games, but he can do the younger ages. Still no golf. (insert crying sound here)

Me? Not too much. Life will be more normal this next week. Today I am actually home, and not planning on heading into school until tonight, for the 3rd-5th grade Open House, where I plan to read my poem yet again. I am washing clothes. Yes, even the kids stuff (they usually have to wash their own clothes) and going to make up my bed and watch the first episode of Raising the Bar. Still trying to wrap my brain around Saved by the Bell boy being old enough to be a lawyer, but ok.

Oh - and for those of you that have been watching America's Greatest Dog - yippee - that kookie girl that screams all the time got voted off!!!!!