Thursday, April 30, 2009
....cause you know us, it's a good story!!! But let me give my disclaimer.
DISCLAIMER: What actually caused me to go into preterm labor, we will never know. This is simply the recap of HOW it happened. There is no test that will give us that answer to WHY. And it doesn't matter. Can't change it. Could sit and beat it like a dead horse (sorry Holly and Aunt Mary) but Peanut is here, he can't go back in! I cannot send an email to God asking him WHY -
It is easier to believe God has plan and we are just living it out.
Late on the evening of April 15th (my birthday) I kept feeling like I was tee-teeing on myself. And I questioned whether I was or if my fluid was leaking. (I mentioned that on my April 20th post.) Did the trip to the doctors on that Thursday the 16th. They tested me and did the ultrasound of Peanut. All the tests came back negative. Ultrasound was all good, fluid levels were good. But they told me, that could change, pay attention to my body and rest when I can, oh and wear a mattress....
Weekend was chocked full of events like the wedding and soccer (I still need to put a picture up of chick in her AMAZING flower girl dress, cause she did look so beautiful.) I rested when I could. I commented to my friend, Blondie, that I felt that the baby was acting different. I told Hubby that my belly felt smaller. I said the baby had moved and wasn't kicking me in the same place that he had been. No more rock star moments.
I knew that something was different.
Now throw in an event that HAD to happen....my car fuel pump deciding to no longer work on Saturday night. It HAD to happen. SERIOUSLY. My car being out of commission kept me home resting on Monday the 20th.
My car guy, DK, that usually can fix anything, came out on Monday afternoon to see if he could get it started to drive to his house to fix. He couldn't get it started, which meant that he couldn't fix it because he can't have cars towed to his house. HAD HE BEEN ABLE TO FIX IT, I would have had my car on Tuesday - so again...DK NOT UNABLE TO FIX MY CAR - HAD TO HAPPEN!!! (That's all on Monday)
(Now we are on Tuesday, April 21st.) DK has a little garage in Stallings that he uses when he can't fix things, he set it up for them to fix my car. Tow truck came early Tuesday morning. Since I needed to be at Lola's school to watch her NOT run the challenge run, mom was going to pick me up.
When the tow truck left, I went back inside to wait for mom. I went to the bathroom, I happened to notice the tee-niniest little speck of blood. I called the doctors office and told them. They gave me a 10:30 doctors appointment. (Not once did they ever make me feel like I was a nut, they totally supported me in the whole "I Know something isn't right".)
When Mom picked me up, I told her she was going to have to also take me to the doctor. LUCKILY, mom didn't have to be at work until 11:30 that day. Again, all this had to play out as it did so I wasn't alone at the doctor's office!!!!!! We headed to school to watch her NOT run - I was very emotional....
When the doctor saw me at 10:30, "it's your fluid". I was a basket case. The nurse got mom, we called Hubby. Doctor said they were going to admit me to the hospital for monitoring. Plan on being there 6 weeks. Did I say I was a basket case? Can I go home and get some of my stuff? NOPE - Dr looked at Mom and said...she needs to go straight to the hospital! Mom called Dad, he picked us up and drove me, Hubby is going to meet us there.
Straight to Labor and Delivery to be monitored. I think it was about 11:30ish by the time they got me all hooked up. Baby's heart rate was great. AND I WAS NOT HAVING ANY CONTRACTIONS! Even better....plan on being here 6 weeks! They were going to keep me in L&D overnight and then send me up to High Risk.
I won't go into the whole thing about how it totally freaked me out that for 6 weeks I would be sitting on my butt! Again, if you know me, you can only imagine.
Hubby, Mom, Dad and Pastor just hung out with me listening to the monitors. I talked to Crash and Lola when they got home from school at 2. Just had to wait to talk to Pootie. Donna had things under control here at home....we were formulating plans. Mom, Dad and Pastor left about 3:30ish. Mom & Dad were going to get the kids to bring them to see me......
By 3:45 I was having major contractions that were not showing up on the monitor. Two minutes apart. Dr decided to see if I had dilated...I was, over 8, maybe 9...he very sweetly looked at me and said, we are getting ready to have a baby. He said this was getting ready to happen fast, and he would just take a seat and hang out with us. I was able to get a spinal block thingy, not a full epidural (didn't need a full epi).
Now, I do have to tell you that I had big plans about how I wanted this delivery to go. I had told my friend Martha, several times that I wanted to have make up on to look decent for pictures FOR ONCE, like my cousins in California always do. That didn't happen. I was going to attempt this one without an epidural, I'd work on my breathing and it would be all controlled. Yeah, not. Contractions came too fast and too close for me to even think about how to breath. Plans once again out the window!!!!!
The NICU as brought in..and at 5:01pm, we had a baby boy! (And at that point, he still had NO name.)
I did get antibiotics. I did get one of the steroid shots to help his lungs, although I had him within a couple hours of getting it, so the chances that it helped him are slim and none..but they don't know for sure. I did get a shot when the contractions were really strong to try to stop them, slowed them but didn't matter at that point, I was way dilated.
Hubby did have a chance to get in touch with Mom and Dad-they raced back, so Mom was in the room with us.
And at 5:35, everything and everyone was gone. It was just me, Hubby, Mom and Dad again. VERY SURREAL feeling to have your baby, and then just be sitting there by yourself. Didn't like that at all. When I think about it, I still feel like I am watching someone else's life on a TV show.
Hubby did cut the cord, I did get him plunked on me right after he popped out, then he was scooped up and off with the NICU. At 7:30 his neonatalogist came to my room and talked with us, explained alot of stuff and then wheeled me down to see my baby, WHO STILL DIDN'T HAVE A NAME!!!!!!!!!! We promised everyone that we would have a name by 12 noon on Wednesday.
So that's the story. Alot of things had to happen the way they did, so I wasn't alone. Cause let me tell ya, had I had my car, I'd have been running errands or whatever, could have had a Walmart baby (movie reference there folks, stay with me.)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
- His weight is up to officially 2 pounds 8.5 ounces. Translates into 1.143 kg's!! I can hear my brother now saying - way to pack on those "L" "B's"!!!
- No more tanning bed for Peanut (that would be our term for the bili lights, he's my kid, of course he had to go to the tanning bed, to quote my kids now, "duh"). His bilirubin level was back down to 3. something!!!!
- He is completely breathing on his own! NO nasal cannula's...although if he gets tired they will put him back on at one liter.....I'm ok with that. I do like being able to see his beautiful face without the little things sticking up his nose.
- His feedings have increased to 5mls (5 cc's are the same thing). He gets fed every three hours.
- He got a new bed - this one does not have the humidity option as the first one. I'm not quite sure how I will go a day now without the facial that I got from the humidity coming out of the little doors, but I will try. (Add that semi plastic robe thing you have to wear in there and you have a lovely weight loss program going on). See the blue blanket in there? It has FIREMEN and little FIRE ENGINES on it! Our favorite nurse, Holly, picked that out for the new bedding because she says her beau is a fireman and she likes firemen! HELLO - she had to be his nurse!!!!! They are one of my favorite things to look at too!
Nurse Allison just called for her 3 o'clock check in and he is doing really well breathing on his own! Yeah! He had just had a big poopie. Gotta love poopie talk right now! She'll check back in with me at 6ish to let me know how the last feeding went...
and the last entry for the wonderful things that happened today was
I GOT TO HOLD HIM AGAIN!!!!!!!! It was fabulous. He loved it too! It was almost 45ish minutes this time. Allison tucked him in and on me, and he didn't like the way she put his head, so he lifted it and turned it the other direction. Silly boy, he doesn't know that he shouldn't be able to do that just yet!
so the last picture for today will be Peanut in his first condo, but without any breathing helpers....and not orange. Isn't he just gorgeous!!!!!!!!!
He is taking his feedings like a champ. The 4 cc's are all being digested - great news. He had gone from weighing 1.130 kg's on Sunday to 1.133 kg's yesterday - tiniest bit of weight gain, but still a weight gain...(fyi - both of those kg's translate into the same thing = 2 pounds, 8 ounces...but it counts)
This morning also brought the close of another day of being "just fine"...as in no crazy symptoms to worry about with the IVH (I like that phrase better than brain bleed by the way)-another bit of great news.
I went to Pooties soccer game last night (made me feel so good to do something normal) and got to talk with one of the teammates parents. They had shared the story of their youngest via email when they first heard about Peanut. WOW. I know their are lots of stories out there and hearing them can not only make your heart break for another families pain, but it also makes you feel so blessed and amazed about your own situation. Their little guy was just really bad off, his IVH was waaaay worse than Peanuts, he was a vent for along time, just had all kids of respiratory issues..Now, he is this bouncing little 6 year old boy irritating his sister. Just the way it's supposed to be....
It gives up hope, although we know the reality is each baby and each situation is different....but is does make ya feel good to hear.
OH - another piece of big news......I GOT MY DRIVING PRIVILEGES BACK YESTERDAY!!!!! I was so happy to be able to drive us (me and mom) down to the hospital yesterday!!!! Control freak, i know, say it, I, DON'T, CARE!!! I like being able to drive!!!!!!
Tomorrow is Hubby and Crash's birthday. They are going to go to soccer practice. How fun is that? (They went to practice on my birthday, why wouldn't they go on theirs? AND I cooked dinner on my birthday, so I asked Hubby what he was going to cook tomorrow night...he laughed at me.) Crash is not giving us much help with the "what do you want for your birthday" question. He's like that. Remember, back when he was a kindergartner, for Christmas, he wanted black socks. That's it. Black socks (that is because his best bud, Andrew, who was in high school and just the coolest thing in Crash's mind, wore black sports socks.)
That's it for now, Hubby is getting ready to leave to head down for his morning time with Peanut. I'll be down sometime after that. Need to go upstairs and hook up to the milker. Can I tell you that one shelf in our big freezer in the garage is almost full of little storage containers? Well it is! Going to need to get out there and shuffle some food around to make more room!
Thanks for all the prayers, keep them coming!!!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
He also had his first brain scan yesterday. This is something that is done automatically on all babies born before 32 weeks. The scan is checking for intraventricular hemorrhage's or what is commonly called brain bleeds. His came back showing that he had had one. From the looks of things, the neo doc seems to think that his was about 2 weeks old and was already clotted. (Yes, that would mean that he had it in-utero, which could also be why God said he needed to come early, he needed to be monitored...I'm not questioning God's plan or trying to figure it out at all. I know he has one and being a slightly (stop laughing) strong type A person that I am, I've let go and trust God.)
It does not appear to still be bleeding. Good thing.
Now, what does all that mean? The clot does not allow the blood to flow as it should, and it backs up into these little ram horn shaped ventricular thingy's and they ventricles get big because they are filled with fluid and it all puts pressure on the still growing brain. Pressure on the brain for any long periods of time can cause "issues".
Back to why we were all so stunned by this. Little man has shown NO symptoms to even make anyone think that he could have/had one. NONE! He keeps his heart rate up, he sucks on his baba (our families word for paci) like a champ. He moves his limbs with purpose (pulls out the nasal cannula's all the time and puts them in his mouth)...his head is like it should be on the outside...and while he has been orange, he has not been blue...
So what now....nothing. We wait and continue to pray until Monday and they do another scan. We pray that the clots are being absorbed by the body (think of a scab if you had a booboo on your arm) and the fluid gets to moving as it should and the ventricles gets smaller. His team said that smaller, no change or even the slightest enlargement is a good thing. What we don't want to see if they went from big to really big that fast. That would require immediate intervention.
Intervention could be a spinal tap to drain but that is nothing but a quick fix, most possible action would be shunt. Which would be a surgery. The thought of him being operated on makes me want to be sick.
Neo Doc says that he has so much going for him, he really sees this being a great outcome, although there is no way to know or predict. (Oh how we wish doctors could predict things. A crystal ball might help?)
The past 12 hours have been a roller coaster - I'm still crying alot. Mostly out of fear. I still struggle to get the words out. I knew that there would be a hurdle or two, but this was NOT one I expected. I get very tense, I can feel it in my back and neck, and I try to take a breath and give it all back to God.
I hate the thought of him going through anything like a surgery - but if that's what it takes, I'll take a breath and we'll go forward.
So we sit and wait for next week. And we pray.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
My friend Angie, who is a nurse practitioner in the NICU has been making sure that he gets the best of the best....and she was working today. Having her check him out and tell us that he really is doing great is so reassuring. (Yes, his neonatalogists have been saying it too, but it's nice to hear it from someone you know.) So, Angie and Holly decided that today was going to "THE DAY".......what does that mean?????
I got to hold him for "kangaroo care time". It was amazing! For 35 minutes he was on my chest (they stuffed his little feet and butt stuffed into my bra) and his heart was laying on top of mine. Angie and Holly said that the nursing bras that are sports bra style are great for this, acts just like a little baby holder.....
It was incredible. He got real comfortable and just slept. I could feel his hand opening and closing on my skin. I just sat there and cried.
Today they also started him on caffeine, which will help remind him to breath - he had started little apnea deals of holding his breath - which is normal between 3-5 days old. Of course, he is my kid, so he needs caffeine right? Angie called it his Double Espresso - tomorrow it will be turned down to just a Latte. He seemed to tolerate it very well.
My mom and I will head back down tomorrow morning. That's kind of the plan for right now, spend mornings with him, and then back for the afternoons with Pootie, Crash and Lola. Keeps things normal for them.....
oh - one funny for today. We were talking to Lola on the way down to the NICU and she said in her very Lola voice (the "eh I'm put out" huff sound) "Just ask them again WHEN they are going to let us see him." (There is a no sibling under 18 hold on the ward right now, RSV and cooties. We think it should be over soon, but not quite soon enough for her!)
Little less than 30 minutes and Peanut is 5 days old. What a wild 5 days! I promise the story of what happened is coming soon.....promise.
I was completely ok with that. I totally freaked me out that he was not hooked up to any breathing anything! Even though he was still hooked up to monitors than ding and whistle if anything goes wrong, it just scares me because he is still just so "new". At 5:01pm today, he will officially be 5 days old. He has done so much already, I don't want him to get tired, getting tired for premies sometimes means steps back.
One good thing, without the nasal canuals in, we could see his whole beatuiful face. And he is beautiful! Thank you for all your continued prayers, we know that God has his hand on our little miracle and that he is going to keep him safe.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I was 28 weeks and 3 days pregnant and he decided he was DONE with that. (This is the first time I have used one of my kids real name in my blog - very strange. My guess is for a while we will call him Peanut, just cause he is one!)
Long story - details to follow, too tired to replay it all again right now. I am home, my baby is in the NICU. I am so sad and cannot stop crying right now.
He is doing really well though, but it is still the weirdest feeling leaving the hospital without him
...the lighting is off a little but trust me when iI say he has dark hair and is a little orange pumpkin right now with jaundice -he is very sweet and really does look like one of our babies - just alot smaller than we are used to!!! (He weighs what one of Lola's legs weighed.)
I promise that I will give you the full details - remember no secrets in the next day or so....for now, I need a nappy.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The 15th was my birthday - yeah - Happy Birthday to me. 39 just doesn't sound fun. It's a boring. No big plans, both Crash and Lola had soccer practice, so I actually cooked my own birthday dinner while they were gone with Hubby. Mom and Daddy came over about 7ish to bring a te-niny little cake (for the kids, I hate birthday cake). And that was it.
Then Thursday came and I was at the doctor.
Had some weird stuff happening. Fluid randomly trinkling out of me - for HOURS and into the night. I have had 3 babies before this one, NEVER had this happen. Was quite startled. Didn't know honestly if I was leaking amniotic fluid (sorry to be graphic) or just peeing on myself - but again, this went on for about 9 hours.....who has that much pee? I do apparently.
After one of the wonderful doctors at my practice checked all the plumbing, it was determined that baby is making himself quite comfy on my bladder. Grrreat. Only way for me to get any relief and keep him from just camping out there, is to lay down on my side. Stand up, sit up, move around, I go tee-tee all over myself.
Even worse than the sneezing and couching tee-tee described on the 10th's post.
Now, I am not complaining, ok, maybe I am sorta. If this is what it takes to get little man baked all nice and chunky, then so be it. But at now 29 (whoops, is that a typo? haha) years old I really never thought I would be buying something a kin to a twin size mattress...not the "depends" underpants, I just couldn't bring myself to that level yet, but I did have to invest in some poise, little panty liners are just not that "depend"able right now.
It is not a very secure feeling - never knowing when that little rush of tee-tee is coming when you are out having to run errands or whatever.....
the cool thing about being at the doctor on Thursday, is they did an ultrasound to double check and make sure that the amnio fluid levels were really good (which they were) but I got to see baby at 28 weeks. and they did a 4D deal, so I really got to see his face (up on a screen, but still) she gave me 2 pictures to bring home to show Hubby and kids. It's amazing. Now, he is a little camera shy, kept putting his hands up at his face every time she went to "snap" the shot, but you can see his wittle nose and I think he has Pootie's nose.
Then we had soccer tourney all weekend, both boys, and Lola was a flower girl in a wedding, and she had a soccer game. Hubby and I were running here and there (again, keep in mind I am tinkling on myself because I am NOT laying down!!! You can stop laughing ya know!)
Lola looked beautiful and said it was the most amazing thing ever (I'll get a picture up in the next day). Both boys played fabulous soccer, as did Lola.....and I didn't have to cook dinner on Saturday night because the Tom's (our who also happen to be neighbors) and the Given's (they have 4 boys, 3 of whom are triplets) and then my buddy Martha and her family, had us down to the Tom's to eat left over BBQ - doesn't get any better than that. They were so sweet to include us.
Hubby didn't get any - he was stuck in Rock Hell with my car that decided it wouldn't start (at his moms, I wouldn't start either if I were there, shouldn't have gone, problem wouldn't have happened - but I'm just saying...)
so, car needs a new fuel pump - can you say $690 dollars? (not buying a new car, and it does have over 100,000 miles on it, so I can live with this repair) it is being towed to the repair place tomorrow and I should have it back by Wednesday.
That's it! Enough - isn't it?
Friday, April 10, 2009
You can ask me anything, I won't lie. Now, I might not come right out and tell you every little dirty secret....but if you asked me something, I would tell you the truth. No point in lying, you'll find out on your own and then think I am crazy.
So, my goal from here on out is to share a little secret about being pregnant, motherhood, ya know, that kind of stuff, each day that I write.
I am 27 weeks (13 remaining) and every time this baby moves or I sneeze or cough, I tinkle on myself.
I think maybe back when I was prego with Pootie (the first) I probably didn't pee on myself, but this is number 4 and the muscles just don't muscle the way they used to. I really don't remember that much with his pregnancy except that I barfed all the time until I was 27 weeks prego.
I've resorted to wearing little pantie liners. It's not that earth shattering, I know....but it is a truth that I cannot hide (except for the pantie liners now)
Hubby has been home today, although I am sure that he would have rather been at work. Since I asked (made) him to some chores around the house that I desperately needed done.
The Great Bedroom Shuffle occurred.
Crash's double bed is headed over to my mom and dad's attic.
The bunk beds are down from our attic. Pootie and Crash will be sharing a room again.
The crib is over at my mom's attic - when we drop off the double bed, we will be picking up the crib.
Sounds simple, but it most definitely was not. It was a task from hell because it also included the moving a dresser or two, maybe more.
The baby bedding arrived yesterday. It's all washed and ironed. Very cute. The room will need to be painted....as does Crash and Pootie's room. But theirs can wait until school starts back because then I can do that myself. Hubby will need to get that baby room done.
I want it all done by June 10th. People in hell want ice water.
I have a lot going on between now and then. There's still lots of soccer to be played. School. School stuff. PTA stuff. And I don't want to start the summer "racing" to get things done.
We only have 13 weeks left until the official due date. That's going to fly by!!!
Not to mention, we still do not have a name for baby.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Last night was the SERIES FINALE of ER. My most favorite show. There was a one hour "walk down memory lane" with mot of the star cast, then the 2 hour finale. I've watched the Walk part, but cannot bring myself to watch the actual show.
I balled my eyes out just walking down memory lane.
I know, it's stupid. But I really feel like I'm losing some close friends.
Don't say reruns. It's just not the same.
(And YES, I still watch the reruns but it's the point of not knowing that another new episode is coming.)
Then to top the week of, I had to hear that Guiding Light is going off the air in September. Now, to be fair, I have not done my part to keep it going. But it got really stupid a while ago. I HATE the new filming technique used. Seriously hate it. I thought Phillip coming back would help me become dedicated again, but that hasn't happened either. I record it, and then only watch the parts with Phillip (Grant Alexander) in them.
Life just isn't the same.
In other news...
No, we still haven't named the baby.
Yes, my belly is big.
I have 14 weeks left.
Yes, my feet are starting to swell.
No, my face hasn't (at least that's what everyone is lying and telling me).
No, the nursery is not done.
Yes, the boys are acting a little better about having to share a room. (Not like I really care either way, it is what it is)
No, soccer is not over for the boys. Both are having a great season.
Yes, Lola is playing. Her first game is tomorrow.
No. she hasn't complained about having to go to practice. She actually really likes it! shocks the hell out of us.
Yes, Spring Break is this coming week and no, we are not going anywhere. We are going to get the house straight and baby ready (as much as we can, that is).
Yes, I am almost done being PTA President but I will continue to serve on the board as a regular chair person.
Yep, Neil is back refereeing on weekends, his knee is all better for the most part.
Guess that is it! Happy Spring Break and Safe travels to all of our friends leaving town!